Two Miles Away
by Mei Aurora Darkling
Summary: Two people get together and type up a non-sensical story born of boredom and an inane amount of sugar. AKA Pippin and Merry go to Legolas' place, Legolas gets mad, Legolas gets tossed out of window. Interested? R&R. Shea: Please?


LotR: Sentence by sentence  
  
Typed by ~M.A. Darkling and her annoying half-sister, Shea  
  
In other words, ~Mei writes the first sentence, Shea writes the next, and so on.  
  
Disclaimer: No, neither of us own this. Heck, I, Mei, have only read 2/3's of the Fellowship of the Ring, 1/5's of the Two Towers and *runs into her bedroom**runs back* the last page of the Return of the King, so this is not entirely logical, nor entirely true. Neither of us has any idea of this will or would take place (if it actually ever happened, which we both [Skye: THERE ARE THREE OF US! THREE!!!!!] *ahem* we BOTH heavily doubt). This is insanity born of boredom and an inane amount of sugar. Pity us.  
  
  
  
{Mei's sentences start out with ~ and Shea's sentences don't have anything.}  
  
  
  
~One fine morning in Mirkwood, the strangest thing happened.  
  
Legolas woke to find Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took Standing over him, grinning insanely.  
  
~Not only was he very disturbed, he was duct-taped to the wall.  
  
Legolas took a deep breath and leaned back, but banged his head hard against the wall, making him swear vehemenently.  
  
~Pippin and Merry took out little neon pink books and wrote down everything he said, for educational purposes.  
  
Legolas stared at them, about to say something, but as Gandalf entered the room, he changed his mind and decided to go back to sleep.  
  
~This was not to be.  
  
Gandalf sat down on the floor and started chanting, loudly.  
  
~This mere action can not only keep someone awake, it can move mountains, reunite lost lovers and cook scrambled eggs.  
  
Unfotunately, the two hobbits had remembered to bring eggs, and stuffed the hastily made breakfast into Legolas' mouth.  
  
~Legolas began to make squealing noises, which usually denotes that the food is REALLY REALLY hot or insanely cold.  
  
Legolas tried to spit out the eggs, but Pippin covered his mouth.  
  
~This action had no effect, because Pippin covered his _own_ mouth and not Legolas'.  
  
Legolas spit the food in Pippin's face.  
  
~Merry laughed and Pippin threw the eggs into Merry's face.  
  
Merry discovered that the eggs really _were_ hot, and ran out of the room, screaming.  
  
~"Toldja so," Pippin called after him.  
  
Legolas, who had finally managed to free himself from the duct tape, started towards the window to throw himself out.  
  
~He landed on the ground, and suddenly, something jarred in his head and he began to repeat every swear word he knew, in all languages.  
  
Pippin threw himself on the floor, groveling at Legolas' articulation.  
  
~Merry, sopping wet and incredibly cold, wrote down everything, pausing only to ponder how to spell 'Chikushou'.  
  
Shea poofed into the room from some unknown dimension and yanked the notebook away.  
  
~She began reading it immediately, not even looking up when her half brother, Skye poofed next to her, taking notes.  
  
Finally, Mei showed up, and tried to take the notebooks from both of them, but they scattered in different directions and finally flew up to the rafters, lounging about.  
  
~Mei got angry and casted Demonic Fury, which crashed down upon the heads of Shea, Skye and everybody else, which only caused a new bout of cussing from Legolas.  
  
Shea whipped out her boomerang, which nobody knew she had, and chucked it first at Mei's head, then at Legolas', just for the heck of it.  
  
~Legolas, apparently had been educated in the art of endless cussing, because he was outswearing every sailor and gangster alive.  
  
Gandalf suddenly stopped chanting, blinked hard, and dissapeared.  
  
~Mei got curious and casted a less powerful spell, Twilight, on Legolas.  
  
Legolas yelled,"What was that for?!"  
  
~Mei clapped, obviously overjoyed (small minds are easily amused) and cast another spell, Deadly Aurora, not realizing that this was perilous for the poor Elf's hair.  
  
As Legolas was moaning and swearing alternately, Shea slipped and fell, shouting, "I let my mind wander and it didn't come back!"  
  
~They all stared.  
  
Including Shea, but at what, nobody knew.  
  
~Actually, noone _wanted_ to know what she was staring at.  
  
*The Shea in the real world pauses to yell at her extremely demonic half- sister.*  
  
~*The Mei in the real world yells back.*  
  
*Skye walks into the room, yelling at them both to get back to work, not knowing what they were _really_ working on.*  
  
~*Legolas yells at all of them, still not out of cuss words.*  
  
*Mei, Shea, and Skye all stare, wondering how he got there.*  
  
~During all of this, the Legolas in the fic-world had found a frying pan and hit himself on the head with it, ending the torment.  
  
Mei squealed, "Ooh, that looks like fun!" and hit him over the head with her own frying pan.  
  
~Pippin and Merry observed all of this, taking notes here and there.  
  
Shea and Skye had been mock- sword fighting with some dowels they had found in the rafters, and currently Skye was lying on the floor, "groaning."  
  
~"Oh no!" Mei cried out, oblivious to the fact that it had been a mock sword fight and noone was actually hurt.  
  
Just to aggravate her, Shea shouted, "Aaaaack!" and keeled over onto the floor.  
  
~"Shea-chan, you should realize that when people 'die', they do not say Aaaaack! they say Ungggggghhhh!!!" Mei chided.  
  
"Maybe I'm special, and have you ever heard anyone die?" Shea replied.  
  
~A loud 'Ahem' was heard, and the entire group turned to see the entire LotR cast waiting impatiently.  
  
Aragorn stepped forward and commented, "There are some of us who actually _have_ heard someone die, and we know that they say 'Aaaarrrggghhh,' fall over, and bleed messily on the nearest convenient object, which is usually a person."  
  
~"I want proof," Mei said stubbornly.  
  
Legolas jumped up shouting, "Ooh, ooh, kill me! Please?"  
  
~"I wanna know what sound a HUMAN makes when it dies!!" Mei insisted.  
  
Shea pointed at Boromir and said, "Kill him, since he's going to have to die anyway."  
  
~"Can I kill him, canIcanIcanI??" Mei pleaded.  
  
Boromir screamed like a girl and tried to run away, but his king grabbed him and dragged him in front of Mei.  
  
~Mei, who was unable to lift Aragorn's sword off the ground, resorted to the more painful method, raising her hands above her head and shouting "Mei no Chikara!!!!!"  
  
Boromir uttered one word and Shea started laughing maniacly shouting, "I was right! Bwahahahaha!"  
  
~Sure enough, for all ears, pointy, Angelic, Demonic and normal, Boromir's final word was 'Ack.'  
  
As the party started dispersing, Mei paused and thought out loud, "I wonder what sound elves make when they die."  
  
~Everybody turned to Mei and stared _hard_ at her, a silent warning.  
  
Shea and Skye dragged her from the room, heard muttering things like, "Don't even think about it" and "How on Maodin are we going to get home?"  
  
~Two miles away, a small child named Jill poured some orange juice and spilled it all over the table.  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END (Well, maybe not, but I got tired of *shut up, Shea* Oh. Okay.) 


End file.
